Wednesday Wisdom: Relationship Tips From A Failed Relationship Expert - Tay Meets World

Wednesday Wisdom: Relationship Tips From A Failed Relationship Expert

12:00:00 AM

We all know relationships aren't easy - some are nearly impossible - other's seem so simple. I've learned a lot about relationships over the past 10 years. My parents ended their marriage during my first year at college, things sort of pin-balled downwards after that - including my own relationship. I am the type of person to that likes to learn from my mistakes (once I've admitted that I have made them). I always go back and reflect on what did I do wrong, things I did right, what could've changed, what outside factors played a role, etc. If there is one thing that has been difficult about failed relationships it has been recognizing that I played a part in their failure. I have always followed the philosophy that "everything happens for a reason" and most of the time I conclude that the reason was...to teach me something.

There are things that I have learned over the past few years that I believe are worthy enough to share. Most of these may seem simple or common - but, oh, are they true. True and powerful. Once I learn from a mistake or a failed relationship it baffles me how clearly I can see it. Often times, we are so blinded by our own pride, motivations, desires, and needs that we are completely oblivious to what is really going on. So, I'm sharing my tips in hopes that you'll see a little clearer, love a little harder, and have faith that everything happens for a reason.

1. Communication isn't just something you need, it is EVERYTHING you need. No relationship can be successful without good communication. You're probably thinking "duh," but I don't think you quite understand. My engagement that ended over six months ago ended for the prime reason that we didn't communicate and if we did communicate it wasn't effective nor healthy. You can't expect your other half to know what you want/how you feel/what you need unless you tell them, and vice versa. If there is a problem the absolute most catastrophic thing you can do is keep it to yourself. I watched my parents not talk about issues for years. Now, I realize they had serious communication issues - but then, as a child, I thought they just never had any issues. Bickering and pestering one another only leads to pent up anger and significant communication barriers - two things you want to steal clear of. Try talking, or writing things down, or only talking about one "problem" a week and fixing just that one, first.

Talk to one another. If you can't, then find someone who will help you. This is an area where some help may be a good thing.

2. Acknowledge and work on your weaknesses. We all have grey areas and many of us don't really like to admit that we do. I know I certainly do - one of them for example is that I don't pay enough attention or give enough back to the other person. I failed at this during my engagement. I can be a very closed-off and shielded person - thus, not really opening up to those around me. The problem? I never acknowledged that. I didn't want to believe I had something that needed mending nor did I want to admit I was at fault for a relationship that was breaking.

It's empowering to acknowledge your weakness. Once you do, it only makes you stronger and able to see things more clearly.

3. Don't react off of hate - and don't tolerate it either.  Words do plenty of damage. Damage that 90% of the time is not easily mended...if at all. Whether you are on the receiving side or the giving side, hate is not something you can use or have in your battle. A relationship is a very delicate thing, it must be seeded, watered, and given just the right amount of sunlight. If you wanted to, you cold easily stomp on it or pull it out of the grown, hence the word "hate." Your relationship only grows and flourishes from what you put into it. If hate is the only thing that is entering, well you should know what your outcome is.

Find out what is making you or your significant other upset. Communicate. Then communicate some more. Set boundaries that are not allowed to be crossed - and enforce them. For it's your heart on the line as well as someone else's.

4. You must love yourself and be okay with you before you can even think of being okay for someone else. When you think about this last tip - really think about it. If you don't love the person you are, how can you expect someone else to? Not only that, if you don't have love and respect for yourself then you will most likely "settle" with someone who has the same amount of love and respect for you.

It sounds cliche, but, you must accept yourself and love yourself. This has to happen before you can give your heart to someone who is deserving of it.

I'm sure this is an area we all have had issues with so if you have any more tips, please share below!

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