If you have been following this blog then you have probably seen the post "I've Been Summoned." In late July, I found out that I was being summoned to court. To make a long story short, it wasn't because I did something illegal but because of family issues…specifically, custody. I don't really know if I can talk about this on here but at this point, I don't care. This has weighed heavy on my heart and every time I think about that day with the judge I cry. I cry for my siblings who went through this, my parents dealing with this,  all the other kids in the world who are worse off than us that have to go through this, and the list goes on. I don't want to get into details about the case because that is irrelevant, but I do want to share my time in the judge's chambers.

My brother, sister, and I were called into her chambers…we followed both attorney's back a long hallway. All I could think about was how nervous I was because whatever the kids and I said would essentially determine the outcome of this case. We all went into the chambers together…my brother sat between my sister and me and the attorneys sat on the side I was on. The conversation roared. The judge was kind and patient but the questions had me feeling like we were on trial. My sweet, innocent, little brother sat there, constantly twitching with his face bright red, answering these questions the best way he could.

"Who does your laundry?"
"Who takes care of you better?"
"Who cooks you meals?"
"Who do you want to kiss your boo-boos?"
"Who makes you do chores?"
"Who is nicer?"
"Who do you want to stay with?"

I was in tears…I felt my siblings' world crumble beneath them. NEVER, in a million years should they have to choose between parents. Being the oldest, I have always felt like it is my job to protect them…I know I can't do it all the time, and in these chambers, my hands were completely tied. I couldn't do anything. I had to sit there, dressed professionally and keep my mouth shut until the questions were addressed to me.

After 20+ questions to my baby brother, his eyes were filled with tears, the judge excused him so my sister and I could talk to her in privacy…but with the attorneys writing down our every word.

To make an even longer story short, my sister and I were in there for two hours…TWO HOURS. I was exhausted, the only thing I can remember is towards the end, the attorneys were allowed to question us and I was about ready to jump out the window. Accusations were made about my sister, about my parents, about myself…it was not ok. All I could think about was every other child in America that has to go through this. The pain they feel when they are asked to choose sides when it wasn't their decision to have to pick a side.

At the end of the questions, the judge looked at my sister and I and said, "Girls, I know this is hard but it could be a lot worse." "At least you have a mom, because I don't." "This is nothing big, I have had worse cases." And blah, blah, blah. My anger was now through the roof. I mean, yea, it could be worse…but right now this is our worst and don't you dare belittle our feelings and compare them to your mother not being alive. We could only have one parent, no parents, or live on the streets….but to my family…this was the worst it has been. But unlike YOU, judge, both of my parents are living and we just had to sit in here for two hours and be badgered by you and your attorney's questions…and OH, now we get to live the consequences with the decision ruled to each parent based on what we said. Don't think that I think our situation is "the worst in the world." Because it is not…but to me, at that moment…it the worst in my life.

I understand to some, this may not seem like a "big deal." But this rocked my world, and not in a good way. A few months have passed and things are still rocky. Everyone is trying their best to live with the decision that was made and to stay positive. At the end of the day, I am blessed to be so close to my siblings…and I only hope that no one has to go through this…even though our situation has become the norm and I know that little kids go through this everyday. It breaks my heart.

Moral of the story…I don't know, I haven't figured that out yet. All I know is that the world is super lucky to have you, and whatever situation we are placed in is for some reason and in the end it will all be OK.

On a HAPPY note, look at all the pretty flowers I photographed over the weekend!